Between You and Me. (is a fucking long table)

By 3 Way Stop and Stal Gayheart

Stal and 3 Way Stop at dinner.  3 Way’s new apartment.  After an unsettling discussion on the BP oil spill.

3 Way:  Pass the salt.

Stal:  Get it yourself.

3 Way:  [Sighs] Don’t you wish we had a table like the one in Between You and Me?

Stal:  But then you’d be in a different time zone.

3 Way: Or like Batman.

Stal:  Huh?

3 Way:  That scene in Batman with Keaton and Eminem’s mom and the fucking long table.

Stal:  You’re right. That table was long.

3 Way: It was reminiscent of Grotowski’s Dr Faustus.

Stal:  You’re showing off.

3 Way: [To himself] Poes. Wait! maybe it was the same table. Maybe they imported part of the play from Poland. That would explain some things.

Stal:  Like the Afrikaans.

3 Way:  And the sexy dance moves.

Stal:  Yes. But, what the fuck? It was like the piece couldn’t decide if it was a ballerina or a novelist.

3 Way: Or which language it should be in.

Stal:  Oui.

3 Way:  But the bilingualism got more natural as the play went on. [Laughs in a “haha” way] Bilingualism.

Stal:  And I knew exactly where it was going. There was no tension.  It was the same shit over and over again. A couple sits down at the dinner table, they engage in some conversation and eat mime food, drink mime wine. And dance on the table. The usual. But over and over again.

3 Way:  But wasn’t that the point?

Stal:  I’m not sure what the point was. The structure of the narrative didn’t take me anywhere. It had no conclusion.

3 Way:  Like all your relationships.

Stal:  Deep.

3 Way:  [Noticing]  You’ve got fishfinger on your sleeve.

Stal:  Thanks nugget boy.

3 Way:  And you’re wrong. It did have a conclusion. It’s just,… we knew it was coming.

Stal: … On your face.

3 Way:  Huh?

Stal: [pointing with a fishfinger]  You’ve got mayonnaise on your face.

3 Way:  Thanks.

[they eat in silence for a while]

Stal:  And the Wimbledon effect pissed me off.

3 Way:  The what?

Stal:  The dangers of Theatre in Traverse.  Looking left then right then left then right. Crick in the neck.  Tiring.

3 Way:  All you had to do was cock your head and squint. Problem solved. Doos.

Stal:  But what about the other problems?

3 Way:  The music?

Stal:  Ja.  The style of music, with the content of the lyrics, juxtaposed with the action just made for a messy through-line.  But then again, I have issues with people using commercial music onstage as part of the action unless it’s well integrated.

3 Way:  You just have issues. But I agree.  Though the design and lighting was well integrated with the venue.  It’s a nice enough church hall but put a performance in there and things look very Sunday School meets Drama Society AGM.  The director handled it well.  The high roof, the wooden floors, the huge space… it was all hidden out in the open. As part of the design.  And content?

Stal:  I was reminded of Interiors.  That Amy Jephta play.

3 Way:  Hmm… Man. Woman. Table. Mime food. The breakup.  It is somewhat similar.  Young women and their thematic concerns.  Pass the wine.  [he does]

Stal:  The two performers were great.

3 Way:  What does that mean, ‘great’? That’s so generic.

Stal:  Like your cooking. [spits out an ovenbake chip] Fine. The guy, um, Jaco Nothnagel,… he was natural, he was comfortable on stage, he was compelling. And he had good presinence.

3 Way:  Presinence? Really? More wine?

Stal:  Sut up.

3 Way:  You’re drunk.

Stal:  And you’re a dendraphiliac.

3 Way:  No, actually, that’s you, remember? Wood gives you wood.

Stal:  [mutters to himself] …that table. That table. How many trees…?

3 Way:  But that Tarn De Villiers was pretty sexy [playing with his food]. And flexible. And expressive. And…

Stal:  [interrupting] Dessert?

3 Way:  Sweet.

Stal:  Yes. It is desert, afterall.

3 Way:  Two and a half Tsars.

Stal:  Two.

3 Way:  Come on! It had a bunch of problems but it’s a piece that was created for a development bursary aimed at giving experience to emerging directors. Objective achieved.  And we like that organisations like GIPCA and the Baxter and the TAAC are handing out cash to young directors.  What would it take to get that extra half Tsar?

Stal:  A clever insight.

3 Way: [thinking] Okay, I’ll give you a clever insight, but it has to stay between you and me.

Stal:  A secret?

3 Way:  Yes. Ask yourself this: What is between you and me?

Stal:  This is getting convoluted.

3 Way:  I’m okay with that.

Stal:  So what is it?

3 Way: Half a tsar.

Stal:  Deep. Again. Ok. Two and a half.

Between you and me… and everyone else:

Directed and written by:  Tara Notcutt.

Featuring:  Jaco Nothnagel, Tarn De Villiers

Lighting by:  Mathew Lewis

With extracts by Jon Keevy

Presented by: The Theatre Arts Admin Collective, GIPCA, Baxter