Last Rounds is Kiff

By Stal Gayheart and 3 Way Stop

So we’re in the Wendy-House (otherwise known as Chateaux du PonyRoach) and we’re feeding Nik Naks to Seksie, 3 Way’s goldfish (we couldn’t find a pet-sitter in Cape Town, so we brought her along). Stal’s pick-up from the Rat and Parrot last night is passed out on the camping cot, and the Wendy-House is fucking cold. Draped in blankets, huddled around the Cadac, we’re discussing Last Rounds over some Hair of the Dog. What comes to mind first for both of us is the soundtrack

Stal: Well, it’s more of a score, really. If one is into tunes from the 80s or the 90s, one will definitely vibe with this shit.

3 Way: One will indeed, my lord. Though at times it felt like the performer and the score were vying for attention.

Stal: What’s her name again?

3 Way: Rebecca Makin-Taylor

Stal: Those were awesome boots

3 Way: Awesome boobs?

Stal: BOOTS you tit.

3 Way: Hot. Like the rest of her cossie, but I was a tad befuddled as to why there were so many feathers on the floor when none were missing from her wings.

Stal: Design Dahling. I thought her performance was strong, motivated, subtle and nuanced, she accessed the style well.

3 Way: And that chick sure can dance.

Stal: Who wrote it?

3 Way: Notcutt

Stal: Didn’t she also direct it?

3 Way: Yup.

Stal: Hmmm. Impressive. And?

3 Way: She pulled it off. The text was casual and conversational, which meant it didn’t lag. There were some structural anomalies though.

Stal: Shit, big words for this time of the morning.

3 Way: Drink your Jolly-Juice.

Stal: I liked the story… Drunk girl in a bar talking about party-busses, sexy men in leather jackets and kissing – you know, romantic shit.

3 Way: Yah, it knocked the audience over the head like a papsak on a Thursday afternoon.

Stal: They laughed a lot.

3 Way: How many Tsars?

Stal: 3 and a half. And a hug.

3 Way: Dude, it looks like your bang is waking up.

Stal: Shit, I’m probably going to have to make him breakfast.

3 Way: I’ll put the skottle on.


3 and a Half Tsars

Venue: Princess Alice Hall (the Cape Town Edge venue)
Dates and times: Duration of fest at 7PM daily.
Written and Directed by: Tara Notcutt
Featuring: Rebecca Makin-Taylor
Tickets: R55 / R40 / R45

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Got Kraken, Will Travel

By 3 Way Stop

Pirates drink rum. We prefer gluhwein. Especially 12 jars of it after yummy Long-Table entrees and a good show. Specifically Get Kraken! (on the ASSITEJ Family Festival Program) winner of a Standard Bank Ovation Award at last year’s NAF, written by Jon Keevy, directed by Kim Kerfoot, and featuring a bunch of sexy, talented man actors.

So, a fisherman Oupa and his grandson get caught up in the adventure of their lives. Along the way they learn something about submarines, marine ecology and the power of perseverance. Get Kraken! is a family show, for kids but including big kids who drive cars and own houses and have jobs and do sex. And are old enough to have watched Titanic when it came out (Boobs!). It’s physical theatre, but not your usual kind, and I liked that it makes the audience use their imagination in different ways. Everything in the play is created using only the actor’s bodies and voices (okay they do have 4 wooden blocks that they sometimes sit on).

Also, Get Kraken! doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s high energy, testosterone packed, fast-paced comedy with wonderful little asides and clever references for those who get them.

All the actors skilfully portray a menagerie of weird and wacky characters, landscapes, animals and objects. Favourite things: Potgieter’s Igor-esque pirate Squabbie and Acker’s Terminator-Fembot-Ahab, and Mouton’s mini-whale.

Go see this if you like: Moby Dick, anime, China Mieville, robots, The Life Aquatic, Ringo Star, Jules Verne, Cthulu, sticking it to big-fisheries, Treasure Island, Hermanus, Free Willy, cool Bible-stories, using your imagination, The Mariner’s Revenge, inspiring your spawn, or Vodka.

4 Tsars.

4 Tsars

Navigational information:
Venue: Vicky's
Times: 4 July 12:00; 5 July 16:00; 7 July 20:00; 8 July 20:00; 9 July 16:00; 11 July 22:00;   12 July 12:00

Director : Kim Kerfoot
Writer : Jon Keevy
Featuring: Dann-Jacques Mouton, Jason Potgieter, Shaun Acker & Dylan Esbach
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Dirty Words is a whole bunch of naughty fun!

By Stal Gayheart and 3 Way Stop

This play made us laugh so hard Stal’s mascara was running and 3 Way may even have weed a little in his pants.

Not only did the writer, Jack Hardcastle, stab us in the funny bone with his rapier wit, he lopped off the entire arm! Presented as a series of dirty sexy sketches, each vignette was incredibly varied in terms of style, flowing into each other and building perfectly to a satisfying climax (write that down).

From internet chat forays with widely varying outcums (haha), to cheesy romance novel parodies, a tutorial in how to talk dirty and some other risky business, Dirty Words satisfies on every level.

McCormick’s comic timing and characterisation is fucking brilliant and she has moments of physical genius, her body becoming a lucky-packet of inspired Bob Fosse-esque comedy.

Esbach moves smoothly between quirky and throwaway in his deft handling of his various roles. His detailed character work and off-the-wall choices in accent hilariously complement McCormick. Together they create something special.

4 Tsars and a giant glow-in-the-dark dildo.

4 TsarsThe Details:
Venue: Dicks
Age Restriction : 18+ LNS
Director : Jon Keevy
Written By : Jack Hardcastle
Featuring: Dylan Esbach & Alicia McCormick
Dates & Times: 6 July 17:00 and 21:00; 7 July 16:30; 10 July 16:30; 11 July 16:30; 12 July 18:30 and 22:30;

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Undermined: Dof title, kak pun, but a good play nonetheless.

By Stal Gayheart & 3 Way Stop

This is a positive review. It’s in the title. So Undermined avoided the socio-political and historical kak of the mining industry. We’re not saying if that’s a good or a bad thing. Go see it and make up your own mind. But Stal’s mom says “politics se ma se poes”!

It’s physical theatre and it’s tight like a nun, or other tight thing of your choice. With a combo of Isicathulo, Pantsula and assorted other sexy dance moves, and a storytelling style that relies only on body and voice, the three technicolour rainbow representatives weave a tale of small-village-guy missioning for cash and a bridal gown for his fiancé. On his journey he encounters the bewildering metropolis of Egoli (expertly actor-ised), a chorus of sharp-tongued secretaries, a despotic mine boss and some comrades-in-the-making. The vocal work from all three, particularly the singing, was excellent. These guys can harmonize.

Direction was strong. Ms. Notcutt works across differing styles and genres. And she does it well.

We totes loved the motivated lighting in the form of head lamps, and Erasmus’s detailed mime work, idiosyncrasies and cheeky asides.

It gets 3 tsars and some Marmite.


Word on the ground:
Venue: Princess Alice Hall
Dates & Times: 10am daily
Tickets: R70
Director : Tara Notcutt
Written By : Nhlanhla Mkhwanazi & Luke Brown
Featured Artists : Nhlanhla Mavundla, Luke Brown & Stefan Erasmus
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A Girl Called Owl

By 3 Way Stop & Stal Gayheart

We saw this in Cape Town a while back and gave it 4 tsars (see previous review here). Now it’s back after some overseas migration (that’s a bird joke) with favourable reviews.

It’s some good pellet (that’s another bird joke).

Go see it.

Dates: 3 July 14:00; 4 July 20:00; 5 July 18:00; 6 July 12:00; 7 July 14:00.
Venue: Vicky's
Tickets cost: R65 / R55 / R60

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(Going back for) The Things You Left Behind

By Stal Gayheart & 3 Way Stop

This show was so good we’re gonna see it again. Not just because it won a Standard Bank Silver Ovation award last year at fest, but because it was flipping RAD.

The Things You Left Behind consists of some modern-day storytelling coming at you in the form of 5 monologues from five different characters. There be some simple set design, simple lighting, simple sound, simple form and structure but complex characters and a beautifully woven narrative. It’s poes funny. But it also kicks you in the balls/vag every now and then. And it’ll make you have a feeling. Or lots of feelings actually. Also some thoughts about: life, death, breakups, identity, religion, sex, race, and things you wouldn’t tell your mother. ‘Cause that’s sort of what the story’s about. It’s also about a guy who gets knocked over by a car. But it’s told from the different perspectives of: the only white carguard in Cape Town, a milf in therapy, a flexi-sexual American, a rof paramedic from the other side of the boerewors curtain and a dragqueen from Delft.

McCormick faces a huge challenge in playing two characters that differ wildly in age – she pulls it off like a pair of board shorts at Sandy Bay, revealing the depth, humour and vulnerability of her characters with deft skill.

Potgieter faces an equally challenging task, playing three radically diverse characters, and he nails it. Completely at home on stage, he has moments of sheer brilliance. We particularly enjoyed Delores. The text is, to put it simply, wonderful. It’s a kief new South African script, and if you want to find out why we think so, go and watch it. Now.

Fleur Du Cap winner Kim Kerfoot directs with a subtle, detailed touch, aiding both performers to memorable performances. You’ll leave feeling different. And wanting a bit more. Which is why we’re going back.

We give it 4 Tsars and a glassie Karate Water.

4 Tsars

The things you need to know: 

Directed by: Kim Kerfoot
Written by: Jason Potgieter
Featuring: Alicia McCormick and Jason Potgieter
Sound: Niklas Zimmer

On daily at 1pm at Princess Alice Hall (the sexy Cape Town Edge venue)
It runs until 13 July
Tickets cost R60 or R45
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News Flash! (or Nude Flash! if you prefer…)

By Stal Gayheart & 3 Way Stop

Great Dionysian Escapade We felt it was about time for a holiday. For a road trip. And what we’re looking for from an ideal holiday, apart from adventure, includes: Drunkenness (obviously), dancing, feasting, inspiring landscapes, romps in the wilderness, revelry, sweet tunes, fertility, sexual orgies and theatre. No, we’re not taking the Delorian back to Ancient Greece, we’re heading to Grahamstown for a modern-day Dionysian Festival. That’s right, we’re going to the National Arts Festival bitches. So break out your drama pants, fill up your hip-flasks, lock up your sons and daughters and slather on some Deep Heat ,..  we’re entering Bat Country!

Peace & Hippies,

The Ponyroachers

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Balbesit pic 1

By 3 Way Stop

So it’s rugby and memories and growing up as a boy to be a man, or trying to, and it’s living in South Africa right now and it’s talent in whatever language you speak and it’s the future and it’s only having Saturday afternoon braais and rugby and getting drunk to look forward to and it’s the fucking idiots who claim to speak for your gender or your race or your orientation or your age and it’s graceful and it’s fighting and it’s tripping and it’s falling and it’s jumping and it’s trying to make your father proud (and hoping that he is) and it’s just really, really fucking BEAUTIFUL.

24 men onstage and 2 women cellists next to the stage and a whole lot of people behind the scenes.

I can’t or I won’t say anymore.

Just go and see this play. You have two nights.


4 and a half Tsars and a bloody nose.


The game stats:

Venue: (f)Artscape Theatre
Skrywer: Saartjie Botha
Musiek: Braam du toit
Regie en Dekorontwerp: Jaco Bouwer
Orkesleier: Awie van Wyk
Choreograaf: Ina Wichterich
Konstuumontwerp: Bridget Baker
Beligting: Wolf Britz 
Die Manne: Geon Nel, Albert Pretorius, Marlo Minnaar, Douglas Griffiths, Kyle Seconna, Bongile Mantsai, Brendon Daniels, Carel Nel, Ludwig Binge, De Klerk Oelofse, Wessel Pretorius, James MacGregor, Michael Wallace, Dann Jacques Mouton, Themba Mbuli, Lizo Tshaka, Siphesile Mdena, Pietie Beyers, Christiaan Olwagen, Graham Bourne, Andile Vellem, Thembekile Komani, Mark Hoeben, Neels Coetzee

10% afslag vir besprekings van 10 of meer kaartjies | Pensioenarisse, Studente, Skoliere (6-18 jaar), PANSA- en SAGA-lede: R50 per kaartjie (halfuur voor die vertoning)


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Man on the streets, queen BETWEEN the sheets.

By 3 Way Stop

I like peanutbutter and piesang sandwiches… Stal likes hot sweaty man sandwiches. I think he would have enjoyed this play more than me. Sadly he was attending a Tantric Sexploration Outdoor Festival in Nepal, so he couldn’t make it. For his sake, and yours, I’ll tell you some things about it. What makes a sandwich is what you put BETWEEN the slices of bread. So what was BETWEEN these sweaty pieces of angsty white bread you ask? Some blue boxes, and some pieces of blue paper on the floor (which were never explained), a whole bunch of shirt changes for both of them (Campbell – abs. Brown – Chest hair), and a couple of underwear changes (PENIS ALERT!). So far it’s a man-candy-blue-paper-filling. Salivating? There is an umbrella, and some dead(as a doornail)pan delivery, there are memory/sequences from his/their lives, including but not limited to a lecturer-student sonnet-performance-coaching session, two boys growing up and discovering sex, sexual confusion, shame, loss, etc. And some other stuff. I’m still not quite sure what I thought about this sandwich. It was simple and at times effective, there were redundant design elements, but it moved smoothly and brusquely between scenes, and I found Campbell more convincing than Brown. Although I’m not sure the sonnet-coaching actually improved the delivery of the sonnet. Tricky. Oh and there were hefty doses of arousal, anxiety and confusion, pretty accurately portraying puberty (for me at least). Go see it. Tonight. Because it’s the last night. Good.

It gets 2 and a half Tsars. And a footlong sammich.

2 and a Half Tsars

2 and a Half Tsars


On at the Alexander Upstairs until Sat 7th June, 7pm and 9pm.

Running Time: 60 mins

Written by Oskar Brown | Directed by Geoffrey Hyland | Performed by Oskar Brown & Nicholas Campbell

Tickets will set you back R100 at the door or R90 if you book online here

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The Epicene Butcher and Other Sto­ries for Con­sent­ing Adults is (bu)KAK(i) FUNNY!

By Stal Gayheart

3 Way and I have been frequenting the Alexander Bar incognito for some time now and, as a result, (mostly of the G&T’s) we’ve seen some crazy shit. Also some great theatre.  And by “great” we mean sexy, snazzy, polished, well written, expertly performed, super-cool-like-a-swimming-pool kinda stuff.  The Epicene Butcher etc etc. is all of this and more!  It’s flipping mooi, as a concept, as an audio-visual experience, as a piece of theatre. Jislaaik I nearly kakked myself laughing so hard. 3 Way kept telling me to shutup and behave but I just couldn’t stop laughing. It’s that funny.

The whole thing is based on a 12th Century storytelling tradition from the Land of the Rising Sun. But in English… mostly.  Jemma Kahn and Dylan Esbach (as the hobo-glam Chalk Girl) take you on an adventure the likes of which you’ve never seen before: 7 modern stories told through visual and audio methods in a vokken zany, high energy context.  The simple though highly effective visual presentation of illustrations (the size of a TV, – but not a big flatty) combined with sensitive and evocative storytelling makes this show something of a delight for the senses.  And some of it is naughty too.

You should defs go and see this winner if you’re into Manga, Pokemon, Japanese Punk, Cyber-glam (for the costumes), Zen, Hentai, Cats, Nelson Mandela and free stuff. (We got sweets because we sat in the front row)  Also good for people with ADHD or anyone who misses having stories read to them with pictures shown from the book.

We give it 4 Tsars. And a Hello Kitty sticker.

4 Tsars

Director: John Tren­gove | Writ­er: Gwydion Beynon | Performed by Jemma Kahn & the very sexy Dylan Esbach as ‘Chalk Girl’. | Illus­tra­tions by Jemma Kahn, Car­los Amato & Gwydion Beynon

Running time: 50 minutes. Tickets are 90 bucks.  Goes until Sat 7th December.

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